I stand in the shadows, watching as my life passes me by, Watching as my only reason for living gets further and further away and i feel powerless to stop it.
We all have that one thing, that we need above everything else, above air, above water, sometimes you don’t even know what it is.
I discovered long ago what i needed more than anything, but it was always out of reach, no matter how hard i reached for it, I always came up short.
It’s like the moment I discovered what i needed, nothing could replace it and though i have tried over and over, nothing even comes close.
So what do i do? How do i continue to fight? How can i reach that which i can’t live without? it’s so close and yet so far away.
I am lost, and i can’t find the will to continue, and i don’t think anyone really cares. I remember so much but I know so little, My tears fall, bringing to the surface the sadness within.
What have i done wrong, I am almost certain I have forgotten something, Missed something important.
Could it be? hard to know for sure, and I need to be sure, because if i’m wrong it could destroy my whole world. The risk is so great that I obsess and debate over and over and over. Nobody ever tells you how hard it is to choose to take the risk or not, Knowing full well it could cost you everything.
Everything that matters, it’s both necessary and difficult, How can you decide when the action itself could cause the very thing you dread so much, but without action their can be no reaction.
I don’t give up easily, this much is true, but the fear of losing holds me back, losing is not an option, i won’t survive without it, Yet i stand frozen in place unable to act, as if time is frozen in place, and yet. Everything keeps moving surrounding, closing in, it feels like if i do nothing i will still loose anyway.
Read more “What’s wrong”
This website has been many things over the years. I had originally thought of just putting a a timeline memorial page here describing all the thing done with this domain over the years.
But that just seemed a little too boring for my tastes, and i have been considering doing the “blog” thing for a bit, so i said you know this would make an epic blog.
So here it is, Welcome to the HellsWinter blog, Still working on the theme.
So, even though I said it was boring, I figure I should at least give a brief overview of what i have done with this domain over the years i’ll keep it short.
Read more “The true sign of HellsWinter”